Malfeasance - Don't Go Uncle Joe
In the aftermath of the latest Biden-Trump debate, it seems the Democrats are facing a conundrum that even the most advanced Sudoku puzzle couldn't solve: should Uncle Joe stay or should he go? The call for Biden to step down is echoing louder than a cicada convention in August, and it's coming not just from Republicans but from his own party faithful who are starting to wonder if they accidentally voted for a talking head instead of a candidate.
The media, meanwhile, is frothing at the mouth like a pack of Chihuahuas who've just discovered the neighbor's garbage cans. Every pundit with a pulse is dissecting Biden's debate performance like it's a Zapruder film, trying to figure out if he blinked too much or if his hair plugs were malfunctioning. They're calling for him to step aside faster than a contestant on "The Bachelor" who just realized they're not there for the right reasons.
But let's be real here—asking Biden to bow out now would be like trying to unsee a bad Adam Sandler movie; once it's started, you might as well see how ridiculous it gets. Besides, who else are the Democrats going to trot out at this point? A cardboard cutout with a smiley face Sharpied on it? At least Biden provides a certain level of unintentional comedy that keeps us all entertained between the constant barrage of existential crises.
So, Democrats, embrace the chaos. Keep Biden on the ticket, if only to preserve the sanctity of primary voters who've already invested in their Biden 2024 bumper stickers and "I'm with Joe (mostly because I don't know who else to be with)" T-shirts. I'm also saying, "Don't go Uncle Joe". I figure that the longer Biden hangs around, the better Trump's chances are of winning. Who knows, maybe by Election Day, we'll all be so delirious from the debates, campaigns and conventions that we'll cast our ballots based on who can do the best Fortnite dance. Hey, it wouldn't be the craziest thing to happen in 2024.